03 September 2007

Diary of a missing bag

If you listen real hard, you may be able to hear a conversation, such as the one below, taking place in airport luggage claim departments all across the world. Well, it would sound different in another language, but you get the picture. Luggage speak is similar to sign language, in that there is a difference from one country to another, depending on the owner's dialect!

Bag #1 - It's pretty dark down here.

Bag #2 - Shut up, wussy. You'd think you hadn't seen daylight in a month.

Bag #1 - Actually, I haven't. I have been stuck in this dingy Air Canada hangar for the last four weeks. You would think someone would come and check on us.

Bag #2 - What are you, afraid of the dark?

Bag #1 - No, it's just that I have all this shit inside of me, and I'm feeling a little compressed. I'm really stuffed you know. I feel like I'm going to burst if they don't unzip me.

Bag #2 - Ya, sometime I think our owners don't realize we need to go to the bathroom.

Bag #3 (in the distance) - Pipe down over there you two.

Bag #1 - Hey, shut up asshole, you haven't been labeled "missing" for a month you know. Just wait until your down here for a few weeks. Sure, most of us spend a day or two down here, and then off back home. Well a bag can only stand so much - quite literally, I'm going to tip over if they don't lean me up against something soon. My wheels can't take this.

Bag #2 - I have an idea. Next time the service attendant comes in, we'll get one of the bags on the shelf to jump him, knock him out, and get the keys. If I can get my wheels going, and the exit is slanted, I'll be on my way to freedom.

Bag #3 - Oh shut up. What about the rest of us who don't have wheels?

Bag #1 - Look man, it is every bag for himself around here.

Man (coming in the door, hollering back to his co-worker) - ya, I want a double cheeseburger and a large coke....Ok, now where is that purple rucksack.

Bag #2 (whispering to himself) - He's calling me. This could be it. Freedom.

Bag #1 (whispering to bag #2) - you better not leave without me. You make him remember that I'm down here too. You said we were in this together. I didn't ride in the ass of that plane at -60 degrees to miss out now.

Bag #2 - Once I'm out I'll send for help. I'll let everyone know on the outside what is going on in here. The world has to know.

Random bags - good luck man....say hi to that football I had inside me....hope you get to go somewhere warm.....remember us when your gone.


The preceding was a fictionalized account. Any semblance to any real missing luggage is purely coincidental. However, I DID GET MY LUGGAGE BACK!!! One month away, my bags are probably a little put off, so I have to reassure them that I'll never leave them at the airport again with Air Canada staff.


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