26 April 2010

Destination Party!

I recently returned from Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. My week in the sun was to mark a good friend's wedding. These destination weddings have become quite popular of late, allowing newlyweds to spend a week's worth of vacation with their friends and families, enjoying food, beach, alcohol and all the specially folded towels an Olympic swimmer could handle.


It got me to thinking, with such a large industry dedicated to weddings, why not other destination events? I mean, surely other people than newlyweds can benefit from some fun in the sun? Indeed, here is a short list of destination parties that travel agents can feel free to steal!

1. Destination Funeral
If you can celebrate the death of single life in the Caribbean, I don't see why you can't mark the passage of human life by imbuing all you can drink liquor? I mean, you are going to be depressed and angry drinking at home, why not do it on the beach? Sure the black outfits are not exactly swimming and sand attire, but the sunburn won't be any worse for the wear.

In fact, I think a destination funeral would be ideal. Bring friends and family together, celebrate someone's life, and then spread the ashes on the beach. Who wouldn't want a bikini glad hottie lying on top of their remains for the rest of history? If anyone is reading this who has ultimate responsibility for me later in life, I command you to have a destination funeral!

2. Destination Bris
Jewish tradition really knows how to mark a boy's beginning to life - let's cut off part of his penis. Well, I'm all for it - why not celebrate the slicing by doing it on the beach! Sure there is a small risk of infection from having sand get in the way, but nothing a little tent can't protect! Plus, all you can eat kosher food does the body good.

3. Destination Birthday
Ok, so this one is obvious. In fact, I'm sure it already takes place - but, when I was in DR, it was a young boy's birthday (8th) and it was pretty difficult to get some cake. So these hotels really need to up their dessert quotients; I mean, sugar grows in forests down there, can't they come up with a decent chocolate brownie. So here are some tips to the hotels: weddings need photographers, flowers, champagne, and a gazebo. Birthdays need board games, pin the tail on the donkey, cake (lots of cake!) and of course, live music!

4. Destination small claims court
How much more interesting would Judge Judy be with a Pina Colada in her hands and a sombrero on her head? Yup, the cost may be prohibitive, given it is "small" claims court, but what witness wouldn't want to show up on a beach to tell the judge how his neighbor was helping him fix his car and not at his sister's stealing $1200 on the night in question. Lawyers fees may be a bit exhorbitant, but they probably could use a vacation anyways, right.

5. Destination dentistry work
Who wouldn't want a crown replaced on the beach? Well, I may be wrong about this one, but you usually need to eat from a straw after these events, right? Why not replace all your meals with all you can drink slushees? I mean, even if you are not into the alcohol, the lemonade, jello, and virgin margaritas should help you recover pretty quickly from all that oral drilling!

Really, the possibilities are endless: destination prom, destination, lobodomy, destination halloween party, destination bar mitzvah, and of course, do not forgot the destination mother's day gathering!


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