05 September 2007

Gentleman, or rather farmers, start your engines

The form states "Limited Disabled Seating". What do you suppose that refers to? To be honest, I'm not even sure I understand the grammar of the sentence fragment.

Oh, does this seem a bit random? My apologies, I can't quite hear. Or is that think? My head is ringing a bit. You see, I have an excuse. My body released an excess of endorphins into my bloodstream and I'm on somewhat of a high. Two words will perhaps help you understand my current state:


You can appreciate then my current predicament - or rather state of excitation. Although my history would make an adequate candidate to enter a demolition derby, this is perhaps an adventure for another day - perhaps when I've lobotomised myself sufficiently. No, simply watching such a spectacle of human carnage has rendered me in this state of euphoria. Picture cylinders exploding within feet of your face, smoke billowing in the air, noises as though the Germans had just blitzkrieged your living room and the sight of metal crunching into metal at over 40 miles/hour and you will start to understand the state of sensual delights that a demolition derby can cause in the frail human body!

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Of course, the first question that comes to mind to a regular human being would be - how the hell do they get drivers for such an event? Well, the type of guys (and perhaps the odd lesbian) who decide to take up such a challenge are generally the same guys who would react as Bart and Homer did when they saw Truckasaurus on a famous episode of the Simpsons. The idea of concussions, lacerations, bruises, or even kidney damage pale in comparison to what I can only imagine is a sure fired overdose of pure energy. I mean, who hasn't thought of ramming a car into a building or pedestrians? Okay, maybe not pedestrians, but I'm sure each one of you had a moment when ramming the back end of your trunk into an incoming car sounding like a perfectly enjoyable thing to do.

Say what you will about these mullet wearing, cousin swapping, incestuous country hicks. They sure know how to throw a party. County fairs are just simple down good fun. Your grandmother's apple pie mixed with your grandfather's prize winning pig. But the demolition derby trumps them all. And you know what, it's not just the lure of winning the top prize - a free Blockbuster video membership - that attracts the real mountain men. No, its the down home goodness of getting out and seeing your friends and relatives. It is sharing the crisp end of summer air. And its contributing to the fund that will go to help a young girl suffering from Leukemia. These activities are still places where strangers say hi to one another and get together to help each other out. Lord knows they need a lot of help, ramming 8 cylinder cars head first into each other at full speed. At least the limited seating will be disabled (honestly, what the hell does that mean?)

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